Hello my dear friends!
I’m so happy to be writing again. I was supposed to write an intro as my usual spiel to start every blog but this topic takes precedence.
I’ve put off writing for 3 months already. Bought the domain and everything but I haven’t been divinely inspired to write anything… until now.
Where are you at this moment? Are you here now in the Present with me? Reading this post? If you haven’t heard, there’s been a Coronavirus outbreak ALL OVER THE WORLD. It started in Wuhan, China and now have spread to 150 countries with over 155,000 infected people but the good news is that 74,000 have recovered. It’s a totally new virus that no one has ever heard of and the world is panicking.
Worse than the pandemic itself, we have what we call FEAR pandemic. I’ve never seen anything like it.
2009’s Swine Flu Pandemic didn’t reach the level of fear that we have now but because the Internet has evolved to this creature that constantly barrages you with news and memes 24/7, we’re susceptible to irresponsible and unethical journalism in all of media. Fake news is abound and when people keep seeing negativity 24/7, there’s bound to have some psychological, mental, emotional and even spiritual health.
But you know what people forget? They forget that they have the control and power to shut things off. People forget that they are ALLOWERS. You allow things to happen to you NO MATTER WHAT THESE ARE and you accept these things but remember, you are one POWERFUL AND SPIRITUAL BEING. You have the Power to say NO and the power to FOCUS.
The Beginning of My Spiritual Journey
I came to realize this when I started my spiritual journey back in 2015. I was still quite innocent and creating by default. I just kinda went through life wearing blinders and questioning but not really questioning things.
Just like a still lake, a pebble is all you need to create a ripple effect. Life as you know is quite colorful and filled with Source Energy that offers you experiences for your soul evolution. And God decided to shake things up a bit when he brought me near death’s door. As a child, I always entertained the possibility of death and wanted to grasp the mystery of it. Where do we go after we die? Is there really a golden gate above the sky with a book with all our names? But when I had severe anxiety, depression and paranoia brought about by being a hypochondriac, having hyperacidity and heartburn and add to that the uncertainties about life, and having really really negative thoughts to the point I didn’t want to shut my eyes for fear of not waking up, I coudn’t greet death. I was deathly afraid (pun intended) of that dark and mysterious spectre.
I had so much panic attacks. Too many times I felt like having a heart attack. Too many times thinking that I was taking my last breath on earth. I was too afraid to die and leave my family behind.
I prayed. I prayed constantly. I was a religious child until after high school because after reading Yann Martel’s Life of Pi, I discovered that you could question God and your religion. You can question EVERYTHING but still remain true to yourself.
Faith is a house with many rooms?
But no room for doubt?
Oh plenty, on every floor. Doubt is useful, it keeps faith a living thing. After all, you cannot know the strength of your faith until it is tested.Yann Martel
And oddly enough, it always brought me closer to God. To the Source.
And here I was being tested on the night where I really just wanted to sleep but I couldn’t. I was crying while reading James Martin’s Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything (REALLY GOOD BOOK).
I cried until I couldn’t breathe but then I heard HIS voice. It was an audible voice inside my head.
You won’t die. It’s not yet time.Non-verbatim voice
Jolted awake, I wasn’t sure what just happened. I wanted to slap myself because, did I just hear that? Was I going mad? But the hair behind my neck and on my head stood up. I felt a deep presence around me and a calmness that wasn’t there before. Maybe this time, I could finally sleep.
And sleep I did.
I continued to have bouts of anxiety and depression after this because there was still that nagging negative thought that if I close my eyes and sleep, I’ll die (yes my paranoia went to that extreme). But it was only when my dad introduced me to his spiritual healer friend did I recover. He cleansed my energy and the negative thoughtform disappeared. I could sleep again. My hyperacidity went away and I was finally back to a healthy human being after months of sleeplessness and bouts of sickness.
What does this have to do with meditation?
I believe that meditation is a state of presence. It isn’t just all about stillness, sitting in a Zen room with eyes closed and imagining a peaceful place (though that is also good!). I learned that you didn’t have to be a Buddhist monk to learn how to meditate. If prayer is you talking to God, then meditation is all about listening to God talking.
Through meditation with intention and allowing, you will be able to get the answers that you need. Granted back in 2015, I didn’t know how to meditate yet in the most traditional sense, but I realized that my wanting and intending was there. I wanted to learn all about religion and spirituality. I wanted to be free from my sickness. I wanted to be healed. I could see myself whole again despite the voice in my head and… I heard Him. That was enough proof for me that something that did not come from my conscious thought came to me and answered me.
Praying IS a form of meditation except usually… our hearts are not in it. We pray but we don’t feel the joy or the sorrow. We pray and ask for what we want but then our thoughts after prayer becomes “Oh, I prayed for this nice new car but then I don’t even have the money for it so it seems like an impossibility.” Then what happens to that car? Nope, it’s not going to you at all.
It’s quite hard to understand maybe for you dear reader and I’ll be explaining what form of meditation I do in another post but I wanted to inform you that the traditional idea of meditation, that’s not all what it stands for.
It stands for being present and feeling everything at the moment with the harmony of your thoughts and feelings. I had no doubt that I was going to get my answer. I just had to go through this experience as a trigger in finding my answers and to be healed. I was led to the right people to help me heal.
My intention and desire to live was so great, the universe had nothing left to do but to open up a path for me.
And boy I can’t wait to tell you what path I am now on in my next post.
I appreciate all of you here and thank you for reading up to the end. God has given me a chance to learn how to really live life and I won’t waste it. Namaste dear friends and I hope that you are also on some sort of wonderful spiritual journey in your life.
We are all spiritual beings living a human existence.Oprah
Tiff K :)